Saturday, 29 November 2008

UH OH! I feel a serious break coming on...

why are we so non-caring about our kids these days? I know inheriting a gene structure is one thing, but we shouldn't 'strive' to make our kids just like ourselves. Cue short-and-stout(very) lady and her mini-her of about 13. Notice the lack of a bra, the three-day-worth grime protective coating, and the sweats. The only thing that separates the two is age and make-up. One, completely oblivious to grease-paint and fish scales, the other, way too into experimenting.
Notice the complete lack of confidence as mini-her walks up to the desk to ask about - wait for it- video gaming magazines. So I politely point the girl in the right direction, and go back about what I was doing. which is completely ignoring the world around me and counting things. I get a psst, psstt, about thirty seconds later, and the mini-her is back to ask me if there's any specific games magazines, and not just gaming systems mags. So I reply that Nintendo wii has a couple of specials on their new wii fit game, cruel I know, but she didn't take the hint / bait/ jab/ whatever. Not the girls fault at this point of time, really. She asks about a certain game on x-box, no-clue if she was speaking english or not, and I retort that if it's not on the shelf, it's not in the store. sorry
So mini-her goes back to mom, and sighs a little sigh, groans a little groan, and is immeadiatly comforted by mama. Mama says, "now don't worry about it honey, we can stop at that new Indigo that's opened up to look for your book, I hear they have a Starbucks in it too! how does hot chocolate sound? You know, I used to have a computer desk job too, and I didn't like it very much, most days I was grumpy, so I don't blame her for being rude, she can't help it, if she doesn't like her job. Hey, do you want to stop at Mcdonalds on the way home?"

This I swear, word for word, is what came out of her mouth. Many things some to mind when someone either a)insults me, or b) tries to make concession in my favour with a back-handed comment.
The first thing that pops up is to throw it back in their faces, add a little more condescention, and some sarcasticity to the mix. The second, in this instance, was to question their parenting skills. I wanted to berate that little pilsbury creation into nothingness, tell her that she's turning her daughter into an obedient fat cow ready for the slaughter-house that is high-school, she should tack on taco-time just cuz it's on the way, and WHAT is with their hygeine? icky!!!
The third would have been to point them both in the direction of the cooking mags, might as well learn the girl up on how many ways you can deep-fry chocolate.
The fourth would have been to throw-up.

But I didn't do any of those things. why? Not because I'm a wimp, not because I only thought of those things just now, but because I don't honestly care anymore. That's right. Because those kids are our future, and us parents are royally f**king it up. I've seen enough to know that I can't stop any of this execpt for my own son. Just making sure that he doesn't turn into a stupid, fat, blubbering slob is all I can ever hope for. I hope I don't live long enough to have to put myself in other children's care, because I'd probably not make it anyway. so that's it. that's all I have to say. no point to this post really. You and I have screwed the world over enough. just don't help your kids to do the same.

Friday, 28 November 2008

Merry Stinkin X-mas!

I have a story for you. It's about Coffee. Sweet delicious Nectar of the Gawds.. and Food! Glorious Food!!!

Actually, it's about the buffet at my night job, where the wild things have died, been sauteed, and then stewed in a steam tray for an hour or more.(hey, I didn't lie about the food)
At least that's the story more or less by the time the staff get to eat it. If there's any left to eat. We lowly slaves to the upper-middle-class-alcoholics usually get last pickins after everyone else has been served, sometimes we get riled up and convene to order from somewhere else so as to take the upper hand, but mostly we're too lazy and eat whatever's left. which is usually slimy from steam, or rubbery, or dried out and chewy.
I'm sure that when it's served to the paying public, it's not that bad. We usually get rave reviews on it. like, 'Oh this is yummy!', or 'You should try this! have you tried this? tell me you've tried this', or 'Oh, the potatoes are so MOIST.'(hehe. moist..)
Also, our Caterer usually plays the meals out to match either the entertainment or the season.

For example, last year we had an Italian play, so there was moist pork medallions and spaghetti carbonara, along with a variety of veggies, side dishes, and a whole table dedicated to desserts. Every X-mas, the Caterer does the Ukrainian special, which has turkey, ham, potatoes, stuffing, cabbage rolls(homemade, not that store bought shite) and perogies(which sometimes start out homemade, but usually end up that Cheezo(?sp?) brand after a coupla weeks.) along with mushroom sauce, gravy, salads, and that whole table dedicated to desserts.
This meal(the X-mas meal) is the only buffet I can handle every night that I'm working. Why? Because this meal in itself, is the main reason the Ukrainians were invented. To feed the public. Literally. and I know some Ukrainians. So I can't let them down, you see. to shun the very food that they have been put on this earth to make, is like telling a jew you don't want any Lutefisk. or refusing fried okra when in the southern states. so I, by sheer decency for all things put on this earth, will eat this meal, and smile whilst doing so, for the sake of my Ukrainian friends. May everyone on this earth taste the heaven that is Cabbage roll. and have a Merry x-mas.
screw it. I don't really care if yours is merry or not, just eat the friggin cabbage, or I'll stuff it down your maw!... do it for the people. do it... do it...

Thursday, 27 November 2008

Click Click Click goes the Camera! Smile Smile Smile Goes my Son! Tic tic tic goes my jawline, I'll be happy when this shit is done!!!!

It's Thursday! That means it's almost Friday! That means that in Five days my son and I get to go do the X-mas piccys that are distributed to random family members every year! That means that, if nothing goes wrong with getting our piccys this time, unlike every other year, that everyone should receive their X-mas piccys by New years! yay! almost on time for something for once! yippee.
Just a tip. Never do X-mas piccys at wal-mart, as they don't tend to employ the regular version of people. at least not here in Bellybutton. But, as I tend to be both a sucker for punishment and Lazy, I've faithfully gone to Wallyworld every year to get piccys done. I can remember now that I'm not intuitively blocking my memories as I so often do, the first year was fraught with retardation. We actually got someone Else's pictures before we got our pictures! And when we finally Did receive our piccys, they had decided to print us the cast-off ones and not the ones we'd asked for. that was fun.
Last year, I got a phone call about a week after the shoot, saying that something was wrong with the film(even though the pictures are taken digitally) and that our entire shoot would have to be re-done, though not in time for X-mas, or probably even V-day. I opted for a full refund, and I got a free disc with all of our pictures on it, even though it probably would have taken them about 5 minutes to re-print the pictures for us. I later learned that one of the girls that had done the shoot had had a Major hissy fit, and had deleted all the photos she was supposed to be printing out, and subsequently got fired for it. How we still got a full CD of the pictures after that is beyond me, but whatever.
This year's picture shoot has been rescheduled twice due to people leaving/quiting/getting the hell out of there before Wal-mart's Apocalypse, so we'll see what happens. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Frozen Bird on a stick!!

So tomorrow's the American Thanksgiving. which means bugger all to me.
Except for Football, which I'll probably watch a little of.
And seeing whether or not I can get my boss to pay me holiday pay. He does that sometimes, as he's a little old. I wouldn't put it past him.
The grocery down the road from me even has ham and little turkey's on sale, just for the occasion! (They're probably saving the Big turkeys for the real consumer holidays), and I also noticed that they have coupons for their frozen Birdy dinners, which again, just shows appreciation for the holiday and the people who celebrate it. Don't get me wrong, my town and at least a quarter of the Country I live in are considered hick-ish, but I know we didn't come up with that frozen dinner thing, even though we have enough snow around here to freeze our own meaty buns off with.
anyways, happy birdy and ball day!

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Come one, come all, to the hell that is my X-mas!!!

Ever been so tired that you're not really sure whether you're actually awake or not? Well, that's the position I look forward to being in the next few weeks. X-mas is coming. Whether we like it or not. And due to the overwhelming appreciation for booze and theatre in Bellybutton SK (where I live), and due to the fact that I serve in a "Theatre", I get to witness all sorts of appreciation to both very soon. We have a new show in the theatre, Called Playing Doctor, that if you don't think about when you see it (like, at all...) isn't really that bad.

In a nutshell (literally) the play is about an up and coming writer who's spent the last few years living with his best friend, in the quasi-lap of luxury, on his parent-paid college fund(he was supposed to become a doctor, duh). Twist: His rich parents-CEO dad, trophy mom- come to visit him out of the blue to see how his doctor practise is doing. So he hires his best friend-a shitty actor- to get some acting buddies to play patients, and then, yep, Plays Doctor.

And Hilarity ensues.

The recipe? Think of it as bad british slap-stick, throw in some really painful groaners(Groaners means horrible joke for all twisted sickos out there.. like me) a coupla chicks barely dressed, and some self-righteous semi-nudity.Then wrap a shitty plot around it, and presto. This is what I get to watch for the next month and a half.

Luckily, I also get to serve selfish bastards and their women booze while I'm at it, so yay for tips!!, and boo for un-called-for ass grabs from old yuckies, people who think they don't have to tip for drinking coffee(We still serve it to you, where the f*ck did you think it came from? I don't see no Juan and donkey roaming about) and disgruntled women who realize that the buffet isn't all it's cracked up to be.( I mean, come on. No matter how you dress it up, it's still a stuff-your-f*ckin-face-before-it's-all-gone kinda thing. One step up from piggies at the trough. As for the women-only reference, come on guys. You know you don't taste it. That stuff's just for soakin up the booze so you can drink more.)

So yay for working. And yay for two jobs. And yay for no sleep.
Now where did I park my Juan?

Sunday, 23 November 2008

Day of Rest-easy-chore-day

I'm thinking I will take sundays off from writing stupid shite. After all, I take my sundays off from every other job, and this means I have more time to spend away from computer and more time to spend on laundry, dishes, folding my mounds of laundry, and of course, doing that whole rest on Sunday thing that the religious peeps do. . . hahaha! I almost wrote that with a strate face. Couldn't do the whole religiousity thing if I tried. but seriously, can't type and do laundry at the same time, so. taking my sundays to be distracrtkeds-I mean distracted by my son.

Saturday, 22 November 2008

The potty adventures.

I remember when I was potty-training my son how long it took him to go. A really long, long, time. I mean, really how hard is it? get in, get on, get out right? well, it took me about three weeks before I learned that that was what he was doing, he just had to stop in the mirror after, and tell himself he was sexy. This was also back in the time when he'd strip down in front of people and tell them he looked sexy and then dance. I try to block this from my memory, but lack the refinement to do so. I also remember when he took his first poop in a potty. he was impressed. I was grossed out. He wanted to take a picture (just like a little man!!!) I said no, and then he replied, 'But Mom! It's soo Big!! pleasseee?' I'm proud to say that I never gave in, though I did giggle and snort like a little she-pig. And that is the reason why whenever my son takes a crap, he will tell everyone how big it is. which is just Fan-Tast-tic.

Friday, 21 November 2008

I'm a little old man, short and stout, here is my walking cane, here is my prostate!

What is it with old people and their will to die?


I have this one gentleman who always pays the wrong amount, and then when I point out the error, he comes back with, 'Oh, I would never mean to cheat you out! I'm due at the pearly gates soon, ya know'. Or the Little Ukrainian woman with the boobs to her knees that likes to travel to a different province for about 10 months in the year, not consecutively though, she likes to go back and forth every coupla weeks. I think it's something to do with family. getting off topic here. ANYWAYS, she always ends sentences with "God willing" or "God rest him/her/them/etc", and she likes to talk about dead people. like they were still here. Perfect Example: The Show that was last going on in the Theatre that I work at had a little ol' lady character in it that gets obsessed with death, funerals, tombstones, final resting places, etc, whenever she starts feeling poorly. The playwright got spot on with that one, what with the older mentality and defeatist attitude. well not defeatist, maybe acceptance? It's becoming all too common, anyways. I'm not saying that all older peoples are like this, just the ones that gravitate around me are.

Take this.

A woman that just was in my store asked if we had a public washroom. Now, I don't really like just anyone using the washroom, as I think most people don't actually know How to use a public restroom, hence the 'employees only' sign on it. just as I'm saying no, her husband goes right in. seems he's been here before, and considers this place home. or at the very least our plumbing facilities. then she feels the utter need to let me in on the state of his prostate, and other such maladies. and the time he's got left in this world. Now I know that losing someone is hard, dying sucks, and getting old just blows in general. But confiding in your friendly customer service rep is not really the way to go. Talk to family, friends, hire a professional, but please, don't spill on the chick who only gets paid just above minimum wage to sell cigs and candy.

Plus, I just put a sign on the Bathroom Door that really should make people think about their conscientiousness!! There's already an 'Employees Only' sign on there that should make things clear, but since it doesn't me and my beautiful Permanent Marker made an attachment that reads-*ahem*

THIS MEANS WHAT IT SAYS!!!-thanks, mgmt.

Now, I'm not the Bathroom Nazi. Of course I'll let customers in if they really need it.They just need to ask. Is that so hard? really? whatever happened to people being shy and modest when using the facilities? why do I need to know that they've got raging prostate problems, or that their hemorrhoids are acting up? um.. didn't mention that particular customer did I? oh well. another time.

Thursday, 20 November 2008

that's it! I'm officially Addicted!!


However, I despise the shopping, not for the shopping itself, but that I never carry cash, only plastic. And because of this, I realized this morning that I don't have any clean socks left, due to the fact that I live in a big building with many others (some call it an apartment) and it's only got a coin operated laundry. The plus side to this is that I have small feet, so I can fit into my son's socks. The downside to this is that my son is only four, so his socks, which are usually knee high-ish to him, are now ankle socks to me. So needless to say, my ankles and calfs are chilly!!!!

I also love winter for the Coffee. Every Coffee shop I know in Saskatoon comes up with special yummy drinks, either in Coffee or Hot Chocolate form, even the place that I work at night, so there is always something new to try. I learned quite recently as I was pacing the Brand New Indigo in town (yay! we're finally big enough to have an Indigo books!!!) that Starbucks has a myriad of New flavours for me to sample (well, they're not all new, some are just re-introduced from last year, but still) and lo and behold, I found the Jackpot. It's taste was of Buttery Hot chocolate, and Skor Bar flavour, with a whipped topping of Chocolate Whipped Cream and Rock salt. It was heaven, and usually I'll savour a nector such as this, so I was surprised and somewhat sad when the last dregs came after only minutes. I'm sure this will become my winter Favorite. yummy.

oh yeah.. it's called the Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate, and I order everyone I know to try it at least once.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Enlightenment and Vegetables.

You know, I've always been angry about the working position I chose. I've been in Customer Service retail for about 10 years now, and I never could get over the fact that I hate people. I'm always flabberghasted when they don't know how to swipe their own debit cards, a mite annoyed when they can't check their own lottery tickets, a scrap depressed when they can't follow the signs to get to a bathroom. Well, today, I felt a little bit of compassion. I don't know, call it the holiday season, it's 'Magical', whatever. I was *ahem* servicing a customer (now don't make this dirty you sickos!) and the doe eyed look on that old guys face just made me want to reach out and pet his mane while feeding him an apple or a lump of sugar, and I realized.

"These Customers aren't being stupid just to piss me off and make my day worse! They actually and Factually don't know any better! They're just plain old dumb! "

And of course that made my day better, and with that thought out, the customers didn't seem as stupid to me, just mildly endearing, if not entertaining.

And so I leave you on a lighter note. The next time someone pisses you off with their stupidity, do not frown. No. do not use any wasted emotion on these poor souls that have been depraved of the common sense and good old working brain cells. Instead, look them in the eye, smile, and gently pull their bridle down until they are eating the carrot out of your hand. and oh yeah. always bring carrots.

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

X-mas comes but once a year! From Nov.15 to Boxing Day, Dear!

Bad Rhymes are us. wow. I don't even know if I want to finish this now. But Plow ahead we must.

I was walking into good ol' Wally World last night, with my son, on my way home, to buy some kitty necessities, and I heard it. It was faint at first, but the closer I got to the deserted animal section, the louder it became. A horrified feeling burrowed it's way to the pit of my stomach, and my son came up close as if sensing what was wrong. 'What is it mommy?' he whispered, as I felt my hands creeping down into the earmuff position on my poor child's delicate ears. 'I'm not sure', was my fearful reply. As I ushered my child quickly to the proper aisle, the sound became louder, as then more and more voices joined the first and all blended into one another, quickly becoming a mish-mash that hurt my ears. I had to make my decision fast. I picked up my son just as tears started to prick my eyes and started running toward the nearest exit only to find it was blocked by security and packed with people staring at a customer denying her obvious problem with paying for things. Turning slowly around to look for other exits, I noticed a blue-jacketed salesperson cowering in a corner, not too far from where I had heard the sounds. I ran to her, hoping for information, and she didn't disappoint me. 'What is that noise!' I cried, trying not to let my histeria show. 'We just unpacked them this morning', her voice was monotonous. ' The senior associates are doing a battery check right now. I don't know if I can take it anymore! This isn't supposed to be happening yet!' and with that, she shuffled off with her hands on her ears, mumbling something about evil Saints, Reindeers, and Snowmen with guitars. By this time I realized that I had not been earmuffing my son and, horrified, turned around to find him holding something so vile and dastardly, it could only come from hell. a Fat man in a Blood red Suit was perched in a gyrating position, wearing sunglasses that I could only presume covered the fact that he had NO EYES. As if in slow motion, My son said' look, Mommy, it sings! see?' and then pressed the little black button beside the bearded demon's boots.

Well, I blacked out after hearing the first few chords of 'Grandma got run over by a reindeer', But I'm told by the authorities that I'm not allowed in any major shopping centre without a supervisor, and Logan won't talk to me about what happened at all, just gets a far away look in his eyes, and then does the Godzilla stomp around the room pausing only to run up to someone's face and roar at them. I don't see the connection...

Monday, 17 November 2008

Oh! the ninja's you'll see!

This weekend has been quite interesting on it's own, what with Ufc fights, parties, general craziness, and my sonny boy singing his new favorite song, 'I'm a butter butt, and I'm okay', to the tune of Monty Python's famous Lumberjack skit.

My favorite bit, however, was introducing my two kitties to a dog so that when said dog comes to visit, they won't go all kitty-ninja on him, and get their little furry asses kicked.

-not a smart idea, don't you agree?

This puppy is extremely well-behaved, and was pretty much ignorant of them for most of the night, as there were people around that were more fun to play with. It was only once in a while that you could see puppy's eyes swivel to meet my smallest cat, and within their staring matches, you could just see the indecision on pup's face.

'Squeezy chew-toy! go up? or flatten? which will make bigger squeak? *pant*'

(at least that's my interpretation of what was in pup's mind, I just can't see a dog speaking in a more verbose style than that, you know? I just can't hear it saying something like, ' That skittish feline is making me a tad sprightly and waggish, I just can't surmise whether I shall use gravity's force whereupon my paw will meet her head, or if I shall use my snout to launch her in the air to my extreme enjoyment. .. damn there goes my tail again...'. although it would keep my imagination more wordy, I can't justify thinking this will come about in a dog's head)


After three hours approx, Little kitty figured she would exert her fearlessness and dominance and lay down a coupla feet from puppy, and they seemed happy-ish, until Little kitty decided that 3 feet wasn't good enough. So she got a little closer, up on the chair of course, gotta keep your escape routes open, and they went nose to snout for a second or two. Then, Little kitty gave a small hiss, puppy looked unfazed, and they were both done with each other. Bit anti-climactic really.

The Bigger kitty, however, would have nothing to do with him, and looked like she was going to attack the entire time we tried bringing pup in Her-I mean My room. We gave up after a while cuz she was making the cutest sounds out of her chest, and she kinda looked like when you mold a happy face in plasticine and then you pull the cheeks back and it starts looking evil? you know? whatever. she didn't look happy anyways.
So all in all, my weekend was pretty- well, pretty boring, but I spent it mostly with people I don't mind, so it's alright in the end. Plus, just writing this made me realize how little I know about how to talk. or write.
This post has been brought to you by, and by Becky's complete lack of knowledge on the English Language.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

and Today's Letter is...

This is a going thing right now. Sonny boy and his letters. numbers, days of the week. he's got it all. and pretty good too. only his phone number is eluding him, and somehow, that seems most important. but I still can't help but think, that I have had nothing to do with his learning. and I know I'm right.
hopefully I can help in the future.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

The giantest pity party that can be made in less than 5 minutes.

little broken here. Lopsided really, but on the upside, it only took me 7 days of on -and-off icky sharp pain, horrible sleep, and people pestering me to go to a doctor or something and stop fu**ing complaining to them for me to-
- go to a doctor.
And stop complaining. Sort of.

And it's not exactly a doctor, more like a Massage Therapist, but still licensed, and I've also been complaining to random people about needing a really good massage, so really I'm killing two birds with one stone here. Yay for time management!!!

I'm not here for anyone else's pity but my own, but it's not so bad. Here. I found a picture that could describe the discomfort to you! yay again!

I may or may not look like this.

the following is not an accurate representation of what happened to me, but it deserves an aww, and some pity for the poar creature!

But I have to say, I learned something from searching for my perfect look-a-like via google images. This shoulder thing has been a recurring problem for years and years now, and as I was searching, I found an article on 'frozen shoulder and thyroid problems.' Hmmm. Does it matter that my family has a history of thyroid problems? dunno. Do I really want to get rid of these icky shoulder pains? most likely. Do these things have anything in common with what I found on the net? also dunno.

Really should get that physical sometime soon.

Anyways, pity me, and mourn for me. Then, after Saturday, you can rejoice for me, and then we can get back about our business.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

These things can eat you. I swear.

I have a serious question. it's been bothering me all day, and I can't figure it out on my own.

How in the world are mullets still popular?

I've seen two today. and I wonder... do hairstylists still do mullets anymore? do they know how to cut the hair to make the mullet? it seems like a very complex procedure. It's all perm-y in the front, and long layered in the back, and the two cuts meld into one another. I seriously don't think you can get that shit done in any respectable salon anymore. Hell, I don't even think you can get it done in a magic-cuts, or cut-rite. do they have home haircutting kits? like back when regal and avon were big on the bowl cut and they gave you a 'specialized circular shaped hair-measuring tool' or a BOWL and a plastic sheet that's shaped like an upside-down umbrella and some scissors? they even had many sized BOWLS depending on the size and shape of your head, or when the x-mas catalogue special came out, one of those collapsable traffic cone-thingys. and INSTRUCTIONS!!! cuz any half-sane or mostly un-retarded person is gonna need to know how to put a bowl on their head and cut around it without cutting off an ear or giving you an *Gasp!* un-even cut. I personally wouldn't go out in public if I got a bowl cut, whether it be even or not. likewise with the mullets. Not sure what these people were thinking. ohh! Mebbe, 'gee, if I get a mullet, people won't notice my overly HUGE fuggin forehead... hmm

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Tips for the dutiful Consumer pt.1

Ok. So I've been noticing this more and more lately. Cell phones.and the immeadiate and deadly rude use of it in a public place. Particularly in my store. More to the point, when they're at the cash register, with me. Ok. So first I go through the 'is it me?' phases. Do I stink? Have they been here before, and I just didn't have enough stimulating conversation for them? Am I just plain creepy? These and other questions will inevitably pop into my brain when confronted with me losing a chance for small talk to a piece of coloured plastic electronickery. And, do you know, I just love being Told to put said merchandise into a bag, or being Told to get certain said merchandise. Because when any action is put to me when the customer is only half paying attention, or is put to me as a side thought deterred from his more important conversation about supper, and who he/she/it saw last night, that action becomes a demand, a telling to, and not a request. and that irks me to no end. So my course of action? Talk as loudly to the customer as I can, while he is on the phone, so that if he can not tell the importance of conversing with a flesh-and-blood person instead of a voice carried through satellite waves, then at least the person on the other line will have enough sense to ask to call later. or stop talking. The other thing I do is wait. just wait. I wait until they're done their conversation, or until they have enough sense to put the guy on hold, or the phone down, and apologise. Sometimes I help the people behind them, or clean things, but mostly I just stare and wait. So really. I ask any of you who read this. If you happen upon a store and are just coming to the checkout when the phone rings,PUT THE BLOODY THING DOWN!thank-you.

Monday, 10 November 2008

four! in a row! craziness!

Customer Service.
It's a difficult biz to get into. most people can't handle the stress of it. However, that doesn't mean that not every Sally, Dick and Jane can do it.
I personally think Customer Service is the easiest bloody job to take on, not really hard at all, requires about three brain cells, even my son could do it and he's only four.
I think that most retail/customer service/lackeys should at least have the common sense to know three important rules when working.
1. the customer is always right(until out of earshot)
2. Listen to the customer, don't try to guess(they'll usually tell you what they want)
3. do what you get paid to do, nothing more, nothing less.

These three rules will not only keep you in your job, but probably make life easier to handle in the long run. really.
example. This morning, I inadvertantly tested an employee of a certain bagel shop in above rules. I thought, gee wouldn't it be nice if I could make my own mocha? I could just use Coffee, chocolate milk, and a little cocoa and voila! impromptu yumminess!
So I asked for four things.
My lunch, a tasty lox and capers on a cream-cheesed bagel, which was made slowly, incorrectly(she made me egg salad) and with many interruptions, since the girl was talking to the thingy in her ear, which I can only assume was either an earbud to a radio, or one of those phone plug-in-thingys.
Some soup, which was forgotten about until we got to the cash register.
The coffee, extra large (which you pour yourself, they just give you a cup)
The Chocolate Milk (which was in the cooler behind the counter, not in front with the rest of the pop and cream cheese that you just grab yourself. guess it's more valuable or something.)(this was also forgotten completely.)
Now, I happened to be only carrying debit and not any cash, so when I got my reciept and noticed no chocolate milk and realized my morning caffiene/sugar rush was postponed due to lack of listening to the customer, needless to say I got a little upset. I pointed my ice blue daggers her way and spoke in just above a whisper( don't really have a voice first thing in the morning), 'umm, where's the milk?' to which I got one of those pointy up fingers that one does to show they want the other to hold on, they're busy. So I said, a little louder,'where's your manager?' to which she replied, 'I am the manager, just hold on a sec, I'm a little busy.' and continued her conversation with her ear. At this point in time, Her manager came out( aha!!! LIAR!) and asked if I had been helped, and I proceeded to rip the little ignorant bugger a new one, using such words as:
'girl can't take out her earbuds long enough to do her job',
'a little confused with my order since she made me egg salad when I obviously asked for lox and cream cheese',
'is she actually a manager, because in that case I'm not sure why I even bother to come in here in the first place if that's the kind of person you like to hire',
'forgot my chocolate milk, and I only have debit, and I can't make my perfect mocha',
all in a surprisingly whiny voice( I guess I'm not very witty first thing in the morning either, mostly just a big puss). In any case, the girl got a swift talking to, I got a free egg salad sandwich, got my coffee refunded, and subsequently went to Starbucks and got a big americano.
So in conclusion, this is my fourth post in a row, and already I have nothing to write except how much people piss me off first thing in the morning. shitty..

p.s. oh, yeah, forgot to mention I'm trying to do this everyday for a month, care of napomlobo? namoplobo? nope... just a sec... NaBloPoMo. That's it. That stands for National Blog Posting Month. so that's what I'm doing. cuz I have no life. that's all...

Sunday, 9 November 2008

This one's short, I promise!

I've noticed in recent posts, well all of my posts actually, that I like to write. Pithy and witty sayings, of course, but long and over exaggerated as well. so here's a really short one today.

I Hate X-mas Shoppers.

with a blazing passion only the evil demons of shopping Hell could provide me.

-you can't see their eyes, but you know they're glowing...

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Caffeine and Music makes Me a happy Girl!!!!

I like coffee. not just for the caffiene, as these days you can get caffeine any old where, be it in pop, pills, juice, even on it's own(in liquid form of course, but still.) I like coffee for the taste. Sure, I know what you're thinking, T.P why do you like something that tastes so horrible bitter and rots your guts from the inside out making you into a literal walking espresso machine? (by the way, my love for coffee runs so deep in my veins, the least amount I've ever had would be 2 cups a day) Do you do it because all the cool geeks wearing berets and quoting Tolstoy are doing it? well guys, to tell you the truth, I like it because it tells me too. Frankly, I've been drinking that frothy steaming bevvie for soo long, that I don't think I could possibly start any day with out it anymore. It has become one with me and burrowed so deep and dark roast into my cerebral mush that I don't give it orders anymore. it talks to me. tells me what kind of day to have. tells me all sorts of things rea-

Hi there! sorry about that. My mind may have wandered too far off of the mission-I mean topic, that has brought me here today. Today I wan't to tell you about a great new thing called 'Starbucks'. These beans and bevvies have brought beauty and justice to the world, and in doing so, have made me a better person. If not for them, I wouldn't be the mindless drone upstanding citizen I am today. Why, there's lots of fun things that Starbucks brings you. Such as their commercials. I love their commercials. You should too. Commercials are fun. They let you know what you need to buy. and there's no brainwashing, I promise. Now just look into my eyes....

Friday, 7 November 2008

a Whimsical Winter Wonderland of Wisecracks

I love winter. No joke. Most people here don't really like the white stuff, but not me. I love it. Here are ten good reasons why.(just cuz ten seemed like the right number to put down. gut feeling, that's all.)

1.Location, Location, Location:

I live in a province (yes I said province) where 6-8 months of the year are covered in snow. you can't get rid of it. You can't form petitions to have it forcefully removed, cuz goddamn muther nature will just keep giving it back. You can't escape it because the land is so flat you give up trying after about three days of running. all you see is white.


I have a child, who loves to build and throw and destroy things. yes I have a boy-beast. Snow,to me at least, is a built-in toy/friend/bribe that I don't have to pay for. I mean... what the hell. yeah. it's free. and that makes me happy in my pants. and my heartstrings. if I had any.


I can't quite describe the feeling I get when I look up and see the murky grey sky, that chill in my bones, and the wind through my hair. It makes me happy inside. it makes me think of past winters and hot chocolate, and don't eat yellow snow-too late, and forts and making graves for dead squirrels that you find in your annoying neighbours/ neighbourhood nemesis's yard, just so you can have the satisfaction of 5 months later having the snow melt and the looks on their faces. Now that, my friends, was long-term fun.


mittens. and toques. I believe that says it all. oh wait...

5.Holiday aromas:

The sizzle of wet mittens and toques as you dried them on the heating vents and the almost overpowering smell of wet dog that seemed to waft from these seemingly harmless little knitted accessories.

6.The Holiday Sales:

Not the Holidays themselves, those are just a bullshit commercialized reason for you to buy things for other people so they'll be your friends for another year. No. I like the shopping for me. and what better time to buy useless, and sometimes harmful, or at least pretty stuff, than when it's on sale for a completely different reason? no time like snow time, I always say. like just now.


On the topic of Holidays, that pretty much go hand in hand with winter, my next favorite thing is the X-mas Songs. Now, I'm a bit un-orthidox about this one, as I can't seem to remember any bloody holiday jingle when there's actually need for one, but give me a nice hot sunny sunday in June, when everybody else is singing about their blings, ices, ice-cream, umbrellas and whatnot, I'm singing Jingle bells.


Yes kiddies, the Queen of all things sugary, bittersweet, and overpriced. Now, you can get chocolate pretty much any day of the year, but only during the winter can you get Cadbury's Chocolate elves a'la pop rocks. If you haven't had one of these things, you should. if you don't know what pop rocks are, you're stoopid. if you don't care, that's fine by me. These things are on the highest pillars of awesomeness, and they will never come down. unless they start putting pop rocks into reese's.


well, a chance to buy new shoes of any kind really. I'm not particular. But I guess for the occasion, It'll have to be boots. or sexy heels for new years. . . mmmmmmm, shoes....

10.Golden Glowing Glacial Graupel:

otherwise known as: yellow snow. ahar de har ha ha. too funny.