Friday 28 November 2008

Merry Stinkin X-mas!

I have a story for you. It's about Coffee. Sweet delicious Nectar of the Gawds.. and Food! Glorious Food!!!

Actually, it's about the buffet at my night job, where the wild things have died, been sauteed, and then stewed in a steam tray for an hour or more.(hey, I didn't lie about the food)
At least that's the story more or less by the time the staff get to eat it. If there's any left to eat. We lowly slaves to the upper-middle-class-alcoholics usually get last pickins after everyone else has been served, sometimes we get riled up and convene to order from somewhere else so as to take the upper hand, but mostly we're too lazy and eat whatever's left. which is usually slimy from steam, or rubbery, or dried out and chewy.
I'm sure that when it's served to the paying public, it's not that bad. We usually get rave reviews on it. like, 'Oh this is yummy!', or 'You should try this! have you tried this? tell me you've tried this', or 'Oh, the potatoes are so MOIST.'(hehe. moist..)
Also, our Caterer usually plays the meals out to match either the entertainment or the season.

For example, last year we had an Italian play, so there was moist pork medallions and spaghetti carbonara, along with a variety of veggies, side dishes, and a whole table dedicated to desserts. Every X-mas, the Caterer does the Ukrainian special, which has turkey, ham, potatoes, stuffing, cabbage rolls(homemade, not that store bought shite) and perogies(which sometimes start out homemade, but usually end up that Cheezo(?sp?) brand after a coupla weeks.) along with mushroom sauce, gravy, salads, and that whole table dedicated to desserts.
This meal(the X-mas meal) is the only buffet I can handle every night that I'm working. Why? Because this meal in itself, is the main reason the Ukrainians were invented. To feed the public. Literally. and I know some Ukrainians. So I can't let them down, you see. to shun the very food that they have been put on this earth to make, is like telling a jew you don't want any Lutefisk. or refusing fried okra when in the southern states. so I, by sheer decency for all things put on this earth, will eat this meal, and smile whilst doing so, for the sake of my Ukrainian friends. May everyone on this earth taste the heaven that is Cabbage roll. and have a Merry x-mas.
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screw it. I don't really care if yours is merry or not, just eat the friggin cabbage, or I'll stuff it down your maw!... do it for the people. do it... do it...

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